Some words have two meanings, where the meanings are complete opposites. For example dust means to apply dust and also to remove dust. You can dust crops, which applies chemicals to them, or dust furniture, which removes the dust.
See 17 Words That Are Their Own Opposites for the full article.
This may or may not have been written by George Carlin. Since there’s no profanity, he probably didn’t write it. But, it’s still funny.
George Carlin: The English Plurals
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes;
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese;
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
Phlogtastic 